bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
