before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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