i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
