if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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