we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
