1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
