I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize