well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
the raccoons are back...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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