mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
