is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think I am morally bankrupt
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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