I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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