Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
