she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
