There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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