Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
this boner is exhausting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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