I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
