Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
