when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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