Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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