wakey wakey hands off snakey
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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