Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
