Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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