I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
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you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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