Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
