Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
