Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we made out on top of his cat.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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