i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Someone shit on the floor
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
