Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
