I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
