I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
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Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
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Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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