did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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