I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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