dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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