Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
