I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
