I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
