from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
