when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
