remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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