Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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