Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
