so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
