mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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