I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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