I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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