i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
