i already hear my dad disowning me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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