Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All the doctor said was why
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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