idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
