my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
