I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
