Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
