before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
