hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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