you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
