Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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