After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
