So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
