I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
