Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
