Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
