hotel room ftw
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
