dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
