my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
