Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
