I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
