I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
