Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
