Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
