why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
