Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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