see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
