Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
