6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
