It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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