Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
