I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
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pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
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Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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