last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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