In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
