she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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