her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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