just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
