Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
