Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
