sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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