I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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