How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
